Brief History of Me

Brief History.

In 1993 I was diagnosed with and treated for Leukaemia. At the time I had been messing around with different types of therapy and bodywork since the mid-eighties to keep myself sane and grounded. Although some of these therapies worked, they usually required ongoing and expensive commitments to someone. Then I discovered Yoga in 1995.

Yoga was the next step in my ongoing search for peace. I was not peaceful! I did Kriya Yoga, which involved a lot of breathing exercises and some basic yoga postures. It helped. It made me feel better.

In 1996 I was re-diagnosed with Leukaemia. My yoga teacher said it would be a good idea for me to go to India. I left for India in early 1997. Although my interest in yoga was still intact, I did little in the way of a committed practice.

In July 1997 I returned to hospital where I spent the next four months undergoing treatment.

In Jan 1998 I had a bone marrow transplant.

In February 1998 I was back at home weighing ten stone nothing with no muscular tone from many months of lying in bed.

My next foray into Yoga was a life or death struggle. My dilemma: I’d had Leukaemia twice, so my chances of relapsing again were greater than ever. What could I do?

During my Yoga classes my mind would go through a series of mental gymnastics. ‘Would my leukaemia come back?’ ’When?’ ‘How long have I got?’ I was worrying, thinking all the time in this situation of great uncertainty.

My first insight occurred when realised that I had no choice over what went on inside my head. This was my mind, but I had no control over what went on inside it! Profound, right?

Some days I would feel so weak and depressed I thought I would not live another year. I had a letter from the benefits office. I was receiving sickness benefit. It said, ‘You will get the maximum amount of money because you are not expected to live for more than six months.’ Believe it or not I laughed out loud at that letter and I I wish I had kept it as proof.

So, I went to Yoga classes at least three time per week. On entering a class, I would feel weak and depressed. On leaving I felt much better. Great! This process went on for two years. I went to classes several times per week and got stronger and more confident. I came to another profound realisation. I had no control over whether my Leukaemia would come back. That was out of my hands. But I did have some control, after two years of yoga, about what I allowed into my mind.

One day my yoga teacher said,’ Why don’t you go and do the training?’ After several weeks of excuses in July 2000 I went to Canada for a one-month training. There were not many Yoga teachers or centres in London at that time.

Yoga has got some bad press now. Dodgy Gurus and Yoga teachers. When I tell people I’m a yoga teacher their eyes almost glaze over, I laugh. Yoga’s not a fad. It may be for some until the next bullshit comes along to distract them. But Yoga is a real thing with a tradition that stretches back into the deep mists of time. Some people have tried to capitalise and monetise it, but that’s the culture we live in. If you look past the bullshit and hype that pervades this amazing practice it will change you and your life beyond anything you thought was possible.

The times we live in are dramatic. We live in great uncertainty. Where do we turn now? How do we stay grounded? Will it help to buy a new car, house, dress or pair of jeans? Maybe for five minutes. Now more than at any other time I can think of, we need to empower ourselves, stay grounded and start making sense of what we are going through globally and individually.

I don’t believe in magic. But I do believe we have it within us to change. Change? That’s a funny word isn’t it. Change into what? Change from what to something else? What is there to change into?

Do you worry? Probably. Do you look after yourself properly, eating, sleeping, drinking, etc. Do you have low energy and a tendency towards depression? Or anxiety and a tendency towards overthinking and worrying? Probably. Why? Because it’s the way things are. We accept this abnormal state as normal. Why? Because everyone you speak to, more or less, is struggling in a similar way.

Asana – Pranayama – Meditation.

Yoga Posture: Asana. Holding and concentrating and breathing into a challenging position is training to become anti-fragile and resilient - i.e. not falling apart at every minor assault to our senses.

Pranayama: Through conscious breathing practices we energise ourselves. We move through inertia into action. We steady the mind and body.

Meditation: The prior two practices prepare us to go inward. And some would say, this is where the real practice starts. As you start to unravel the mental and emotional conundrums that have become habitual patterns.

Thanks for reading